All Of It Or Only Pieces

I can say that I do. 

But really, honestly, do I?

The question involves a lot of deep introspection and soul searching.

I have been doing a lot of this lately – this business of honest reflection and self-examination. Advent, this Little Lent, has something to do with it. Little Lent does play a timely and important role in the process. I am thankful for this Liturgical Season. My own personal process, however, involves more than the reality of the Liturgical Season that we are in.

More than something that has to do with the Liturgical Season is the reality that I am solidly in the season of life known as the Autumn Years. I am physically winding down. There is no denying it. The date of my birth betrays any act of denial on my part. The physical wear and tear that I am beginning to feel betrays any attempt of denial on my part.

I do not begrudge the physical effects. They are, if anything, a catalyst that I accept as something of an invitatory leading me into the unfolding of my personal yet unfinished life-liturgy. In what remains of this life, of this yet unfinished life-liturgy with its indeterminable number of days and years, I cannot help but to hear the words do only that which is most important.

I am reminded of an occasion when the Pharisees approached Jesus. 

One of them asked a question to test him. “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest? He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind’. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”[1]

I am compelled to ask myself, “Do I honestly love God with all my heart, soul, and mind?”

I remind myself that, before I can begin to love God with such fervent devotion, I must first desire to love him with so. I must go beyond conditionally acknowledging God when it is convenient or comfortable for me.

Loving God with fervent devotion has unavoidable social effects that set us apart. Our fervent devotion sets us apart from the world outside the Church and cuts across the grain of its way of life. It also has a way of setting us apart within our modern Church world where genuine spiritual renewal and revival are so desperately needed. A life that is characterized by such a fervent love for God attracts some onlookers while it drives other onlookers away.

I am compelled to ask myself, “Do I honestly love my neighbor as myself?”

I remind myself that it is easy to love those that are lovable. It is easy to love those that return love for love given. A lot of “neighbors” present themselves as hard to love though. Their chosen lifestyles have them trapped within cages of their own making where they live as modern demoniacs and lepers. It is so easy to ignore them and dismiss them as “unclean” and unworthy of approach. I remind myself that for these too - the hard to love - Christ was born, suffered, and died.

I have to be honest.

I cannot say that I love God with all of my heart, soul, and mind – a fervent quality of love that makes it possible to see and love others as Christ sees and loves them; this fervent quality of love that instills a willingness that far exceeds any sense of rigid obligation.

Though I am being perfected in love and loving God more, there are still pockets and cavities yet to be yielded. There are still some stones in my life-soil that need pulverizing. Yet, in this confession, I can say that I desire to love God with all of my heart, soul, and mind. I can say that I recognize my own need to love God more fervently. Only in satisfying this need can I possibly grasp the great depths and dimensions of God’s love for me.

To listen with the ear of the heart opens us to hear the voice of God calling to us.

In hearing the voice of God, we may not necessarily like what we hear. Yet, in hearing him, in yielding to him with fervent love and devotion, he leads us through the unfolding of his will in our life-liturgies – an unfolding that necessarily involves wholehearted love and devotion.

Let us get up then, at long last, for the Scriptures rouse us when they say: It is high time for us to arise from sleep (Romans 13:11). Let us open our eyes to the light that comes from God, and our ears to the voice from heaven that every day calls out this charge: If you hear his voice today, do not harden your hearts (Psalm 95:8).[2]

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[1] Matthew 22:36-40

[2] RB Prologue 8-10